Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
