i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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