How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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