sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So squirting runs in the family.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
