we have officially lost it.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
