Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
