I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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