I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
