Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
