9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
