Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
