you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
