I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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