The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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