made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
