Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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