I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
