found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
