apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
