please come you make the beer taste better
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize