Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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