i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
