Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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