Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Still dying that you shit outside
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
