I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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