lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
