i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
