I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
