what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
