We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize