Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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