You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
