"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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