apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
