I can't watch pbs sober anymore
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize