I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
