I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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