I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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