dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You dont lie about slip and slides
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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