If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
