He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
