k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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