Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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