I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
