I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
