Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He shit in the fireplace
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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