3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
