Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You ruined the universe
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
