i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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