Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
