dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
