Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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