she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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