omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
