this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
