She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
