people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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