We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
