new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i wish my penis had a tongue
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
