Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize