nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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