Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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