Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
