i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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