If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize