dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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