y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
