The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
