no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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