bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
