May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
