Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
