Are we in a gay sports bar?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
