i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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