On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
