i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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