I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
