The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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