Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
