I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
