I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
