Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
